Hairloss often not such a big negative aesthetic impact.

[DuckingAngels]

Hey guys. I made my first post yesterday, as I think I have diagnosed myself with the start of MPB- potentially. But I thought I would just offer an opinion on how hair loss affects people's appearance. And I am trying to be as honest as possible.

The first, obvious thing to say is that having confidence is a big part of sex appeal. But even ignoring that for now, I think that some men here are overrating hairloss' impact on their sexual appearance/attractiveness. Judging on the host of photos, some people don't do anything with their hair to make it look 'good' and simply leave it to sit on their heads, either overgrown or dull, in a style that would be considered 'unfashionable.' Now whilst, obviously, there is nothing wrong with that at all, it seems strange to me to see so many of these people seem to think that their hair was holding the key to their attractiveness. If you put a lot of effort into making your hair stylish, then I can understand more why hairloss would be very upsetting, but even then, a good face and most importantly, confidence make most of the difference.

I have a friend who was balding from 18, and to be fair, whilst jokes were made at his expense, it hasn't stopped him having a string of girlfriends. He has an attractive face, and he is a confident person. Plus, he wasn't doing anything with his hair anyway. I am not trying to tell anyone that they shouldn't feel upset about losing their hair, and I certainly feel a bit upset myself, but I just thought I would point that out.

I know lots of girls who say that men overrate how big a deal their hair makes. Often, if it turns an unruly lump of hair into a neat, receded buzz cut, it can make the situation no different. I think that if you don't do anything with your hair- and I am making an unfair assumption here that these people don't try too hard to be stylish- then I don't think it will affect your attractiveness too much. You probably aren't that concerned with outwards appearances, and so this hair-loss shouldn't upset you too much. Similarly, if you spend a lot of time on your hair, I assume that you will put that same effort into improving other areas of your appearance. The main way it will affect your attractiveness is psychological- making you more self conscious and less confident. But I don't think you should let this happen. I won't lie and say that the average person looks just as good when going bald. I just think that most of the decrease in sex appeal is the person overreacting to it, in terms of lost confidence. I often don't think it makes much difference. Your facial structure is the same either way...

I don't mean to tell anyone how to feel. Nor am I suggesting that people shouldn't purchase products to help the situation. I have purchased Rogaine myself. I just don't think it is worth people getting that upset about it, when most of the time it won't affect their appearance too much.

I just thought I would share that, hopefully positive opinion

EDIT: Sorry for the sweeping generalisations throughout, I was just trying to simplify my point.

[PvH]

i still don't understand the point you're trying to get across to a community that's devastated by hair loss?

you bring up several personal experiences which probably doesn't apply to anyone who went out of their way to go online and find a community of hair loss sufferers.

you say most hair loss sufferers don't care to stylize their hair. so they probably don't care about their outer appearance. then you tell us we shouldn't obsess over our apperance? what the ****?

so basically you're saying don't worry about it cuz having hair wouldn't save your ugly face anyway?

or to put mildly in your words don't be too upset cuz it probably won't make a difference considering you never put an effort into looking sharp so lack of hair won't make much of a diff.

let me tell you. heed your own advice. get off the boards. don't wait for a cure. let your hair thin and go bald. cuz, you know, prolly won't make much of a diff anyway

[DuckingAngels]

i still don't understand the point you're trying to get across to a community that's devastated by hair loss?

you bring up several personal experiences which probably doesn't apply to anyone who went out of their way to go online and find a community of hair loss sufferers.

you say most hair loss sufferers don't care to stylize their hair. so they probably don't care about their outer appearance. then you tell us we shouldn't obsess over our apperance? what the ****?

so basically you're saying don't worry about it cuz having hair wouldn't save your ugly face anyway?

or to put mildly in your words don't be too upset cuz it probably won't make a difference considering you never put an effort into looking sharp so lack of hair won't make much of a diff.

let me tell you. heed your own advice. get off the boards. don't wait for a cure. let your hair thin and go bald. cuz, you know, prolly won't make much of a diff anyway

mmm. Well done on trying to give as negative an interpretation as you can for my post, which was clearly well intentioned.

I'm just being honest. The forum/website name is 'baldtruthtalk', not 'devastated hairloss depression encouragement place.' I know a couple of other people on this site- one being the friend I mentioned- and not everyone is here to purely vent and foster a feeling of devastation. Some people are here for information, support of course if they feel they need it, and just general desires to share experiences. Firstly, I didn't say any of the things you are implying. I didn't say 'most hairloss victims don't care to stylize their hair. I said some don't, in which case, from an objective stand point (I was very careful to not mention anyone being 'wrong' or not being allowed to feel a certain way) it wouldn't affect their appearance too much. Of course some woman/men may find it less attractive, but in general my point still stands. That can't really be argued. Hair that is just sat there, unstyled, is not adding much to your appearance. Of course it can make you feel a hell of a lot worse looking to lose it, but my point is that this is counter productive thinking. Quite why you would try to argue against that on a forum for, as you describe them, 'devastated' people, I do not know. I am at odds as to what you are trying to achieve here? Are you trying to foster a mood of self-pity and negative thinking, by saying that every person looks exponentially worse looking as they go balder, so they may as well just be depressed?

Secondly, the crude point you made about the ugly face, whilst not being what I said at all, does hold truth, let's be honest here. The way you phrased it in the 'mild' case is definitely true. True, if you are someone who doesn't stylize their hair much. I don't really see how this can be argued against. Every girl I have spoken to about it, and even my gay male friends, back me up here. They acknowledge it sometimes makes a bit of a difference, but it's the drop in confidence that does all the damage in terms of making people far less sexy. There are too many examples out there of balding men who are sexually popular with women/men to suggest that the whole thing is doom and gloom as soon as you notice a slight bit of receding. I am not trying to say that people shouldn't feel worse in that situation, I'm just trying to tell them that from an objective position of strictly how it affects their appearance, the answer is not too much. An 'ugly' person is not going to suddenly go from very successful with women, to not successful at all, purely based on hairloss. It would be far more likely that he was a confident person before, and the hair-loss took that away.

I have seen far too many cases of friend's older brothers who are beginning to bald, and they let it ruin their lives. They feel sorry for themselves, and convince themselves that they have no chance with sexual attraction. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Whereas, they are similarly attractive to their previous level, their depression related to it was what caused all the problems. It's absolutely not a coincidence that all the balding guys I know who have a good outlook on it are the ones with girlfriends.

I said that I was somewhat upset with my hair loss. I mentioned I have purchased rogaine. So it's not like I am trying to patronisingly insist that balding makes no difference. Almost everyone will be less aesthetically pleasing when bald. But My point was that the amount is usually quite small, often greatly exacerbated by a unnecessary/avoidable plunge in confidence.

Forgive me for daring to try and suggest that hair-loss wasn't the be-all-and-end-all for being sexually attractive. I'm sorry it compelled you to whip out a wonderfully pointless 'roll eyes' smiley. It seems that you are determined to feel sorry for yourself, and more perniciously, determined that everyone else should feel as bad as you. You even wrote a sarcastic ending that actually described a perfectly healthy and reasonable way of dealing with hair-loss.



Well done to you sir, thanks for the effort.

[PvH]

couldn't be bothered to read through all that. i'm sure it's well-intentioned. thanks again dr. phil.

[clandestine]

couldn't be bothered to read through all that. i'm sure it's well-intentioned. thanks again dr. phil.

You really should have; DuckingAngels just pwned you.

Good post, OP. Nice contribution.

[Winston]

Great posts DuckingAngels. Welcome to the community!

[DuckingAngels]

Thanks guys for your comments. I'm not sure why the other poster has such an issue with my opinions as they are putting a positive- not to mention realistic- slant on an upsetting issue.

What stage of the process are you guys at? Any treatment recommendation? Or any non-treatment advice? Any would be appreciated.