Sexuality, and the acceptance of thinning/balding/bald/shaved men - BaldTruthTalk.com
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  1. #1
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    Default Sexuality, and the acceptance of thinning/balding/bald/shaved men

    I spent quite a few months on this site, listening to stories of men in various points of their bald journey. I remember what it was like to be sixteen, away from home, and find huge clumps of my long, brown hair in the shower, no reference point, and no one to talk to.

    Now, in my 40-teens (hahaha) I am totally cool with being bald.

    But, what intrigues me, is listening to the stories of many of you, a huge part of the stress is feeling the lack of attractiveness to a future mate.

    I am wondering if there are really differences between how gay men and str8 men view this.

    I, being a gay man, has never (to the best of my knowledge) not gotten a date because of being thinning, balding, shaved, or until recently, with MPB. I have dated men who have had the full spectrum of slight recession to full on Norwood 7, classic MPB. I have also dated guys who have shaved... as well as a 25-year old who wore a very (sadly) noticeable hair piece.

    No one ever said to me... "no, sorry, I don't date bald guys". I have, had more negative reactions to my beard, however, whether short or wizard length.

    To be honest, I have spent, now more years being shaved completely bald, than I was visibly thinning. Although, in the past four years, I have gone up to 5 months without shaving the MPB ring I have left.

    I would love to hear from anyone (gay. str8, bi), and get their opinion on this.

    I live in a country where MANY MANY young men start going bald, even in high-school. It is not unusual to see young male soldiers, in uniform, with thinning hair. If any of you have ever been to Tel Aviv, you will have noticed that we have some of the MOST gorgeous women, ever (next, Brazil). I see lots of beautiful women with bald guys. The top Israeli model, in Israel Bar Rafaeli, her current husband is bald. Gald Gadot (Wonder Woman) her Israeli Husband... seriously thinning.

    Any gay/bi men on here want to share their experiences, I would love to hear it.

    Also, any of your str8 (but not narrow) men want to chime in, I would be interested in heard what you all had to say, as well.

    Best!

    Bald Bearded

  2. #2
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    Perhaps because it's two men, both are much more aware/understanding of male pattern baldness so are more willing to be content with a partner who has a receding hairline? It's not a problem most women face so maybe they aren't as able to overlook it?

    It's also my experience that gay men are a lot pickier than women when it comes to a man's body type, while women tend to care more about 'presentability' i.e. good hair, good fashion sense, etc. Of course this is purely speculation based on my own experiences and probably varies a lot based on region!
    I am a representative for Dr. Sean Behnam in Los Angeles, CA.
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    Thanks Kyle,

    I think you are correct, to a point, in both respects. I also think that part of the pickiness is that some gay men are fascinated by hyper-masculinity. Macho men, go bald. I have had the recent experience of men 20-30, totally into me... big beard, slight belly, and MPB fringe, or shaved.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BaldBearded View Post

    No one ever said to me... "no, sorry, I don't date bald guys". I have, had more negative reactions to my beard, however, whether short or wizard length.
    But do people generally give a reason when rejecting someone? I don't think we would normally know why someone isn't attracted to us.

    Women are attracted to confidence (and put off men who lack that), so as long as a man comes across as happy with himself then he won't have trouble getting dates, regardless of his hairloss. It must be quite different for gay men as obviously you don't have the male/female dynamic.
    I am a patient and representative of Dr Rahal

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    Hi Matt,

    Thanks for you answer... so then comes my question... if woman are attracted by confidence, why do some men go through, what could be described as the tremendous hassle to try and stop/fix/restore their hair?

    Take yourself, for example. You are, an attractive man, with or without hair... why did you find the need to "do" something? Was it about attracting someone of the opposite sex, was it purely self-motivated? Combination?

    I am intrigued.

    BB

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    Quote Originally Posted by BaldBearded View Post
    Hi Matt,

    Thanks for you answer... so then comes my question... if woman are attracted by confidence, why do some men go through, what could be described as the tremendous hassle to try and stop/fix/restore their hair?

    Take yourself, for example. You are, an attractive man, with or without hair... why did you find the need to "do" something? Was it about attracting someone of the opposite sex, was it purely self-motivated? Combination?

    I am intrigued.

    BB
    BaldBearded,

    I may have the answer to your question. I'm really anxious about going bald, and I've done a lot of soul searching as to why because I'd prefer to just not care rather than to try to treat it, but it's difficult to get to that point. For me, it is not really about attracting women as sexual partners, not most of it anyway. I'm with a beautiful woman I plan to be with indefinitely, and not only do I believe she'd be attracted to me with or without hair, I believe I wouldn't look half bad with a bald head anyway. It's more about falling out of a group I used to be a part of. Nearly all women keep their hair, children have hair, and some men keep their hair as well. I have hair now, so I'm part of that group. If I lose my hair, I'll be on the outside looking in. That might sound pretty stupid, and it probably is. But I think group mentality is so deeply ingrained in the human psyche, that it causes anxiety in the balding.

    That said, maybe that's just me, and most of the rest of the guys on this site are just worried they won't get laid as much. I do think it's true that even though some men look fine bald, they'd still look better with hair, myself included, and I can't deny that this doesn't bother me a little. But I don't think it's what causes the obsessive anxiety.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bonitis View Post
    BaldBearded,

    I may have the answer to your question. I'm really anxious about going bald, and I've done a lot of soul searching as to why because I'd prefer to just not care rather than to try to treat it, but it's difficult to get to that point. For me, it is not really about attracting women as sexual partners, not most of it anyway. I'm with a beautiful woman I plan to be with indefinitely, and not only do I believe she'd be attracted to me with or without hair, I believe I wouldn't look half bad with a bald head anyway. It's more about falling out of a group I used to be a part of. Nearly all women keep their hair, children have hair, and some men keep their hair as well. I have hair now, so I'm part of that group. If I lose my hair, I'll be on the outside looking in. That might sound pretty stupid, and it probably is. But I think group mentality is so deeply ingrained in the human psyche, that it causes anxiety in the balding.

    That said, maybe that's just me, and most of the rest of the guys on this site are just worried they won't get laid as much. I do think it's true that even though some men look fine bald, they'd still look better with hair, myself included, and I can't deny that this doesn't bother me a little. But I don't think it's what causes the obsessive anxiety.
    For me it was balding at a young age(20) and feeling that it made me less attractive and stand out from my peers. So I went and did something stupid a hair transplant. Now at 40 I am married with 2 kids and really don't care that much. Had I not had the transplants, followed first bad decision with two more!, I honestly think I could just shave it and be done. Unfortunately that is no longer a option as I am very self conscious about having had them done in the first place. Now I will be going back to get a 4th(first 3 were late ninetys transplants sold to a poor kid so I only have 2k grafts just enough to make it look off) I am also stuck taking propecia hoping it stops or at least slows my hairloss so I don't have just transplanted hair!

    As for men and women reacting to baldness I imagine that at least men know all about MPB where as women still sometimes assume the man doesn't care or chooses to be bald. But both men and women will view baldness differently usually based on their past experience. It's been my experience that women with bald fathers don't mind where ones with fathers who have hair typically do!

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by BaldBearded View Post
    Hi Matt,

    Thanks for you answer... so then comes my question... if woman are attracted by confidence, why do some men go through, what could be described as the tremendous hassle to try and stop/fix/restore their hair?

    Take yourself, for example. You are, an attractive man, with or without hair... why did you find the need to "do" something? Was it about attracting someone of the opposite sex, was it purely self-motivated? Combination?

    I am intrigued.

    BB
    To try and answer your first question: men let their hairloss get the better of them and they lose confidence as a result. Men who don't let hairloss bother them (at least outwardly) and are confident will still attract women regardless of their hairloss. Men can lose hair and, yes, they might become less physically attractive as a result. They want to try and change this and seek out treatments and restoration without understanding that the decline in their confidence actually has more impact upon how women respond to them.

    But with that said, I know I place high importance on how I look and it is only partly due to a desire to feel attractive to the opposite sex. So it's about more than dating value. I also care what men think of me. Let's say I'm meeting my girlfriend's dad for the first time. It'll matter to me that I'm dressed well, am not having a bad skin day and that I'm not overdue a haircut. We like to project the best possible image of ourselves to everyone we meet, and not only that, we care a great deal about what we see in the mirror.

    I used to be very unhappy with myself. You say I'm attractive, but I was convinced that I wasn't. Hairloss (which began in my early twenties) was like the final straw. I started to come to terms with it as I got older, but with the option of improving my appearance via a hair transplant available to me, I took it and to say that this was a great decision is an understatement. After a HT, it's easy to take it for granted and forget how important the result is to your appearance and how relieving it is to not have to worry about your hair.

    So the short answer: it was a combination of factors, and I think the same goes for everybody else.
    I am a patient and representative of Dr Rahal

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  9. #9
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    Think it's easier for attractive men to find someone, then someone who is older or average looking.

    It's the same with bald men. A person with an attractive face is going to have a much better chance of getting
    sex.

    With heterosexual couples, there's more to choose from, which probably works against us if we are less attractive. LGBT couples probably have an easier time getting sex, because they have less competition.

    However, I think LGBT men and women have a harder time when they're teenagers, because there is more society pressure for
    them to "conform", then when they are in their twenties.

    In some countries, one gender is put in a "higher" regard than the other gender. In some countries, women have multiple
    sexual partners. In others, it's forbidden for them to lose their virginity.

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    It's been my (observational) experience that gay men put an even greater emphasis on youth and physical attraction than straight people do. This may be because of fewer examples of 'traditional' domestic partnership in their community (ie they have more at stake so far as staying young and 'in the game.') That baldness is more accepted is just a byproduct of increased awareness to the fact that it isn't, by any means, limited to "older men."

    As to why it is harder for some men to accept than others the reasons are likely numerous. Given that it's a condition that often comes on as early as late teens / early 20s, it represents a dramatic shift to the illusion of "self" before one has had time to build his confidence and figure out who he is, how much it matters, etc. It's not easy to shake this early shock, coupled with the fact that when it happens most of one's peers are not going through it. You could make an argument for those who go bald young as having more time to adjust, but in reality it's the opposite; they've had less time to really think it over and "age" with the rest of their peer group. Also, if your initial experience is being the unfortunate exception, that can stick with you even as others' perception shifts. You may look 'fine' or even 'good' as a young, bald man .. but you definitely look different.

    There's also the simple fact that some look better with a shaved head .. although I don't think there's ever an example of an overweight bald guy who doesn't look substantially better, once he's gotten in shape, than he did previously. It's remarkable how differently people respond to better-defined facial features, a strong jawline (assuming one has this going for him) and well-fitting clothes.

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