Thinking About Giving Up The Piece

[Crixus]

Hi everyone. This is my first time reaching out to a community in this way for advise.

I'm 31 years old now and I started losing my hair noticeably at around 18. It was pretty devastating to me at the time and really lowered my confidence level. When switching jobs and moving to a new place, I decided to start wearing a human-hair piece.

I work at a medical facility and have been there for 4 years now. Part of my job is supplying medical items to each unit and delivering ordered items to the end-users. So I pretty much walk around all day and know every single person in the building. 8 Floors full of people...

I really just feel like I've been living a lie. I wanted to boost my confidence by looking better, but since I know that my hair isn't real and that if I ever grow too close to anyone I'll have to divulge the secret to them (they would find out eventually), my confidence is still about the same level of low!

Not to mention all of the costs associated with buying new pieces, all of the work that goes into styling it naturally, not being able to swim or do any water sports, dreading windy days that could mess my hair up... it's just becoming exhausting.

My choices are to keep on living in this manner or to tell everyone I know that I've been misleading them all these years. Friends and coworkers may no longer respect me as an individual and that would be very tough to face all at once!

I realize that surgical hair transplanting could be an option for certain people. I do in fact still have a little hair on the top of my head and quite a lot on the sides. Not certain if it's possible for me though or how effective that method is.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated!

[mrclean]

Can you post some picture without the hair-piece on? I think people will be shocked at first but after seeing you a few times they will get use to it and it will be no big deal. I don't think it is a viable option as you get older and start getting grey hair to match the hair-piece to the greying hair...that would be a pain. Most of the bad ones are on older guys and they just look stupid. So my advice is to do it now and get it over with. Maybe go to a stylist and tell her/him what you are planning on doing and see if they can cut whats left to make you look the best you can.

[BaldBearded]

I just bought a high-quality lace, custom hair system. I can't come off, I can swim, shower, exercise and even have sex in it. Wind does the same to it, as with any other hair. I have no idea of what you are wearing, or whom you got it from, but a well-fitted hair system is undetectable to the eye, and should not stop you from doing anything. And, my hair is 100% real, human hair.

I started wearing mine after going around with a shaved head for 24 years. I love it, everyone thinks it's cool.

Women, do all sorts of things, extensions, dye, weaves, wiglets, etc. They also wear Spanx, and push-up bras. So why can't a man do a single ****ing thing to cover up his baldness without some massive guilt trip?

I don't see how a transplant is any different, other than the pain, and cost, and the possibility of it NOT looking good, or you losing more hair and you are stuck without options.

You want to shave your head, and ditch the system, go ahead. I don't understand the need to "tell" or not "tell" anyone? Sex partners, sure, "hey babe, watch the hair, please". But, everyone else? Do people wear a sign (hey, I wear dentures), I don't think so. I also think that no one you work with really cares if your hair is grown or purchased.

[Crixus]

mrclean - I've posted pics. I'm not getting grey hairs yet on the sides, but you are right in that regards... that would be troublesome down the road! Not too much a stylist could do I don't think. Would you think I'd have to go clean shaven in my case? I have seen men shave the surrounding hair down to keep some short dark around the edges. Doesn't look too bad on some people... me I suspect it will look like shit!

BaldBearded - Thanks for posting your viewpoint on the matter! I use a real-human mesh piece that does look quite real. It clips onto my side hair (3 clips) and I tape the front where I have no hair. I just feel that if someone finds themselves attracted to you, your hair is part of the reason. Telling that person after a few weeks or even months (Heck, some famous stars didn't tell their wives for years!) is misleading and awkward. Just my opinion though. I see where your coming from with the double standard regarding women and men. Bald women are out there but you never see them! I know I wouldn't appreciate a woman wearing a pump up bra or wearing inserts just to make you believe that they have big breasts only to find out, they don't have large breasts. Even if I really liked her personality and didn't care what her size was, the fact that she's the type of person that would purposely mislead you to try and "trap" you into a relationship is a turnoff for me personally.

[BaldBearded]

Clips and tape? Human mesh sounds really old school. I have never even heard the term "Human Mesh" used, I wonder if it's monofilament, which no one uses anymore. Same with clips. A decent salon would have shaved the thinning hair from the top and used tape around the back and sides, and adhesive for the front.

I could NOT imagine walking around with something clipped to my bio hair. Actually, all of my bio hair is shaved, as I have a shaved, undercut style. My system uses 100% adhesive. Even a salon employee said I was lying when I told her it was a system. I had to show her before pics.

Oh, and I meant push-up bra, not a pump-up bra. So no make-up, either? High heels?

[mrclean]

You look like you have a nicely shaped head so i don't think it will look bad. Just keep the sides short. Still have a lot of hair that could be salvaged if they come with something that works soon like replicel.

Maybe go on vacation get a nice tan and then show up to work without the piece.

[hairlossjedi]

If it makes you happy wear one. I can usually spot em a mile away though, for me it was only a surgical procedure that fit my needs.

[Crixus]

Oh, and I meant push-up bra, not a pump-up bra. So no make-up, either? High heels?

I mean it is in a species nature to attract a mate by using attractive colors and extravagant features. Humans are no exception to this. The difference to me is: Some things you expect and can physically identify such as make-up and high heels. You know they're making themselves look a certain way. It's the things that you can't tell are real or fake that are misleading like a piece or bra inserts.

I feel like when I choose to wear a hat of hair, by not telling people that it's a piece I'm basically lying to the world. I want hair but I don't have it. I want large muscles but I wouldn't (for example) put on some synthetic muscular arm pieces so that it looks like I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Again, this is just my personal opinion. It's the way I feel and one of the reasons I want to just accept what I really look like and how I present myself to others.

[Crixus]

Maybe go on vacation get a nice tan and then show up to work without the piece.

That's not a bad idea actually! I was planning a trip to somewhere warm this November. 6 months is a little ways to wait, but that could be a set time to remove the piece permanently. I still have to think about it.

I appreciate everyone's comments and suggestions so far!

[DAVE52]

Post pics WITH the piece

[Crixus]

Post pics WITH the piece

Here's a pic. It's not currently styled very well. I've been lazing around today.

[Captain]

I got a piece when I was 20 and wore it for about 4yrs. This was 1994-1998. I STILL have nightmares about the anxiety it brought me. I got FUT transplants in 97 which really was a lifesaver. I “came out” to my friends about it after my transplants started coming in and you know what? They didn’t give a shit, not one of them. People like you for who you are, not what’s on your head.

Unfortunately, shaving my head at the time wasn’t really en vogue for regular looking white dudes. So I went with the transplants. If I was going through this now as a younger guy, I’d just shave it off and grow a beard. It looks great.

Since I have the FUT scars that’s not really the direction I want to go now. So I just had 1200 FUE transplants done yesterday to update my hairline. It’s ****ing expensive man.

So, my advice... lose the piece, shave your head and grow out some facial hair. It’s cheap, no more hairpiece maintenance, you can buzz it yourself, and it looks good. Plus you won’t have the anxiety of wind and water anymore. Also, chicks dig it!

Good luck with whatever direction you decide to go!

[pkipling]

If you feel comfortable losing the piece and the primary deterrent is the fear of what other people will think, I genuinely believe that the more confident you are in your decision, the less people will care. (Not to mention that they will most likely forget about it in no time anyway.) While not the same thing, I have female friends who have changed their hair color/style many times over the years, and I tend to end up just remembering their hair in its current state. Like, "You don't remember when I had super short blonde hair?" Nope. I don't. I remember you the way you are now with your longer, brown hair. lol

Also, I found that when first talking about my hair transplant, the more confident I was in my decision, the more intrigued people were - with no signs of judgment. So if you're able to talk about it from a self-assured place, I think the more common reaction will be people simply being impressed with how you pulled it off for as long as you did.

Either way, make the decision that makes you happier. Nothing else matters.

__________________
I am a patient advocate for Dr. Parsa Mohebi in Los Angeles, CA. My views/opinions are my own and don't necessarily reflect the opinions of Dr. Mohebi and his staff.

[carevirgin]

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[Crixus]

I just wanted to post an update and thank everyone again for your advise, personal stories and general input!

It's been a week and a half since I ditched the piece. I feel great! I prepared my closest colleagues at work and my close friends a few days in advance by telling them the honest truth, that I had chosen to wear a hair piece up to that point for superficial reasons but was getting rid of it at the end of that day (Friday). Telling those select few people that I actually cared a lick about was actually the hardest part for me. Going into work on Monday for the first time shaved wasn't actually as hard as I had imagined. I didn't have much anxiety beforehand at all. I was confident in my decision and to hell what anyone at work thought! Everyone's reaction ended up being incredibly supportive! Some were surprised at first but many assumed it was a summer-time shave.

It's funny because the people who are very outspoken and who I sometimes clash with, the ones I thought would give me a hard time, were the most accepting of all it seemed to me! We're getting along better than ever before now! I was confident in my decision walking in that first day and I knew that it would only take a week or so for everyone to get used to my new look. Now I just feel free!

I'm loving the wind now and I'm booking a trip somewhere warm this November with a friend for some water action since I can finally swim again! Oh and I started wearing caps which I never did before with the piece on (would just mess it up, plus it felt odd wearing a hat over a hat of hair) which has been a neat thing so far. Not to hide my head but for the style. I have no urge any more at all in hiding my head from the world!

I really feel like a different person in a great way!

I'm not saying that everyone should give up their piece. That's a personal choice and I would never judge anyone who chooses to wear one! You just do you! If you happen to be thinking that you want to give it up but are uncertain: my advice now is to go for it! Ask yourself how much you really care about what people think of you anyways. Their opinion shouldn't matter much at all! Live your life the way you want to live it! I've found that people honestly don't care anywhere close to how much you may think they care about your appearance!