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I'm so mentally fatigued from it all. Just thinking about it almost drives me crazy.
I can't tell. Should I be grateful that I can see the world from this point of view?
It's not just the hairloss that has made me depressed for the past 5 years. I have another issue that I'm dealing with.
But if I didn't suffer from hairloss, etc. I would be one of them. Is there something else that needs to be looked at? What's so great about f***ing hot women? That's nothing to really be proud of is it? If you had to tell your mother what you accomplished in life is that something you would tell her?
I'll admit I met this girl online years ago that I fell in love with, she's the type of girl who is good looking knows it, and loves it. We were supposed to be friends and she thought that too but she recently found out about how I felt.
but I don't see a point. I'll never be good enough for her. I know what she's like. I don't know if our friendship is going to last. I always wanted to work for her no matter what. I would have done anything for her. I thought she cared about me more than she did. I thought the deep connection meant something. I thought that it was priceless and something you can't find easily in this world. But it turns out I thought wrong.
I know in the back of her mind she cares about me. But I also know that the superficial bullshit in this world means more to her than I do.
I know I'm acting as if we were in a relationship but if you saw the way she would talk to me everyday for the past few years you would say we were.
I was even supposed to go live in her city this summer (helping a friend) (before our friendship nearly ended) but I didn't because the state i'm in right now, I'm not good enough.
I don't think I can be in a relationship anymore. I don't even know if I can be happy.
Instead of focusing on relationships, being a part of the superficial society, and worrying about how I look... I think maybe I should focus on more important things like helping the world out.
This world is in pretty bad shape.
In the back of my mind I wonder if all of this happened to me because I was trying to be guided into this direction? I don't usually believe in that stuff but it always makes me wonder.
What do you think, should I do my best to fix my looks and join the crowd or should I set sails to going to school and helping out?
I can't tell. Should I be grateful that I can see the world from this point of view?
It's not just the hairloss that has made me depressed for the past 5 years. I have another issue that I'm dealing with.
But if I didn't suffer from hairloss, etc. I would be one of them. Is there something else that needs to be looked at? What's so great about f***ing hot women? That's nothing to really be proud of is it? If you had to tell your mother what you accomplished in life is that something you would tell her?
I'll admit I met this girl online years ago that I fell in love with, she's the type of girl who is good looking knows it, and loves it. We were supposed to be friends and she thought that too but she recently found out about how I felt.
but I don't see a point. I'll never be good enough for her. I know what she's like. I don't know if our friendship is going to last. I always wanted to work for her no matter what. I would have done anything for her. I thought she cared about me more than she did. I thought the deep connection meant something. I thought that it was priceless and something you can't find easily in this world. But it turns out I thought wrong.
I know in the back of her mind she cares about me. But I also know that the superficial bullshit in this world means more to her than I do.
I know I'm acting as if we were in a relationship but if you saw the way she would talk to me everyday for the past few years you would say we were.
I was even supposed to go live in her city this summer (helping a friend) (before our friendship nearly ended) but I didn't because the state i'm in right now, I'm not good enough.
I don't think I can be in a relationship anymore. I don't even know if I can be happy.
Instead of focusing on relationships, being a part of the superficial society, and worrying about how I look... I think maybe I should focus on more important things like helping the world out.
This world is in pretty bad shape.
In the back of my mind I wonder if all of this happened to me because I was trying to be guided into this direction? I don't usually believe in that stuff but it always makes me wonder.
What do you think, should I do my best to fix my looks and join the crowd or should I set sails to going to school and helping out?
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