The end is near - can almost see the light

I don´t recognize myself anymore. I watch the world so cynically, so hatefully.
I don´t recognize the social, outspoken, unaffected and genuin person I once were. I used to be so ambitous, so hopeful, so passionate, so adventurous.

I´m only 18 years of age, and all that is left is a hateful and depressed imitation of the old me. I can feel it all coming to an end. I feel peace, I feel control, and I feel freedom. The only ambivalence is the vision of my closest once being in pain. A lot of tears to cry, a lot of unanswered questions to come, and a lot of irrational guilt to cope with. But there is nothing inside me left to love.

I know I will not be responsible for another person´s missery. I feel collective, I finally respect myself again. The end of my miserable excistence is now near, I can smell the light, feel the light, almost experience the light. I´m in harmony, in acceptance, in control. I´m doing the right thing. For myself, and for the future children. My conscience is clear.

It´s funny. At night the sky is so dark, and the only time I feel a connection with this universe. It´s beautiful. So peaceful, so quite. I feel afraid of what´s coming, but still so reliefed.

Goodbye everybody. I´m sorry for all the people i might have upset, might have offended. That´s not really me, only what I have become. Goodbye.

Don't give up yet dude! I really hope that you aren't contemplating suicide, hang in there man! In our lifetime we will have a turn around, hopefully sooner rather than later.