....I wanted dreadlocks.

Or, at least, long hair. I've wanted it ever since I was a kid. However, being a black guy, having anything that would even relate to "long hair" would easily be considered "odd".....except for dreadlocks. My dad had them. Still does to this day, and I felt it'd be great to get them myself at some point.

But they require upkeep, and lots of it. Not only that, some employers see dreadlocks as a negative. So I waited..abided my time until I felt I might be able to finally get them started.

I began trying to grow out my hair a year ago. But...something wasn't right. I checked my hair periodically only to find there were odd bald spots here and there at the top (I guess it's called the crown?) and just before my hairline. Yeah that's right. My hairline itself is fine for the most part. But the hair...behind it..is...receding?

I've been...ignoring it. Thinking it may have come from a mishap with some scissors a few months before I began trying to grow my hair back out. But that was a year ago...and it still looks so horrible.

I looked up the best ways to keep "black" hair healthy. Shea butter, argan oil, even a little olive oil here and there because my type of black hair ("nappy". Yes that's a real term for real black hair. It's also the perfect hair type for dreadlocks, go figure) tends to dry quickly and needs oils to keep the moisture in. I use cold water to wash it, and keep it under a satin dew rag when I'm not outside. And yet nothing seems to be working, and I've come to realize tonight that I have a problem.

I read these forums a little bit (A VERY little bit. I'm kind of in a delirium right now, especially after taking pictures of this horror) and there are certain lifestyle changes I need to get into. I do need to exercise more. I'm also a diabetic, which may also be a problem. Right now all I kinda wanted to do was....talk about it. Really, this post is more therapeutic than anything else. It's 5 am in the morning and I have no one to talk to or no one to confide in. I'm afraid. I'm not sure what to do. I don't even know if I'll post here anymore. I don't want this. Years ago I got a bald haircut and I looked ****ing terrible. I'm not saying bald people look bad, just my head isn't shaped for it at all. No, I REFUSE to let this shit happen to me, not now at only 28 god damned years old...

But what can I do? I have no money. My current job is part time. I won't be able to afford any sort of treatments and I doubt my health insurance will cover hair loss. I gotta do something. I have many ****ing health problems, I don't need nor DESERVE hair loss on top of it all! I can't..take this...I'm gonna go to bed..

Edit. Added another picture. The first one shows how it looks when I haven't tried to pick my hair out. I specifically pushed and pulled in order to...show off...what was happening. The second picture however is how it looks when I DO pick out my hair. Obviously looks much better, but I'm basically just doing the black equivalent of a comb-over...

Look into finasteride/dutasteride. That's the best thing available for now.

Hair loss sucks! But you have to own it.. Just having a "this can't be happening to me" attitude is going to do nothing but stress you out and make life miserable.

I hear that you're broke but you can get a six month supply of kirkland minoxidil on amazon for $25. That's 15 pennies a day. You can afford that. Start there ASAP.

And get your health in order.. diabetes probably does not help your hair cause at all. Running, exercise, pushups, whatever, are all free.

I hear you on not having the right head for being bald. On the bright side (dark side?) at least black dudes usually look better with a shaved head. But yeah, it still sucks. Good luck on your path to dreads.