Tweet
The headline could not make this any more clear, but I'd like to add a note of urgency. It's f*ckin' Halloween season, people. This isn't fourth grade. We're not waiting until the 31st. As far as the adult world is concerned, Halloween is officially the Friday and Saturday before the 31st. If you do a little math (that I've conveniently done for you), you only have five or six days to have a costume ready for parties.
(Before we start, I'm not talking to all you whinny bastards that have a little receded temple. Pretty much any costume works for you. Actually, here's some news for you: most people can't even tell you're balding. Delete your account here and get therapy, ya jerk.)
For everyone else, fun awaits, but here's the dilemma: you're bald. You're not going to be a fit for many things you might want to go as. Short of wigs and full masks, you're fairly limited. I'm personally not that into wigs, or finding a wig, and I've just decided that I'm not wearing a full mask around the parties I'm going to. How are girls gonna tell how terribly kissable I am that way? Unacceptable. The only recourse: bald characters.
Mr. Clean
Always the easy way out for the bald guy. Shave your head clean (you should be doing this anyway), get a white shirt, and BAM, you're pretty much it. Honestly, the ear ring is just bonus points. If you don't feel like it, don't get one. If you're reppin' Mr. Clean hard enough, people will question whether he actually has one or not. But really, if you want to do things right, get the ear ring. Fake ear rings for amateurs, real ones for people who actually give a sh*t about holidays.
Captain Picard
This one is a little harder. You're gonna have to find a burgandy shirt and sew some black shoulders on it. Then make some emblem out of tape or something. Honestly, I'm not entirely familiar with the costume, because I'm not a f*cking nerd. Picard is a cool characters though. And more importantly, a bald one.
Aang
Now, I know I just said that I wasn't a f*cking nerd, but Avatar: The Last Airbender was a d*mn fine show. You're gonna need a red jacket that you don't mind cutting up, an orange pair of pants, and an orange shirt. Then, you'll wrap a red belt around yourself and carry a stick. Oh, yeah, besides the whole painting a blue arrow on your head. Acrylic paint. Seriously, don't act like I've never painted my head before. I know what I'm talking about. It works fine.
Hunter S. Thompson
I don't know if you know this, but Hunter S. Thompson was a baldy. This costume is a little bit for people who are uncomfortable flaunting their bald heads, as Thompson wore a lot of hats. I realize that among the bald community, I'm a little more comfortable than average sporting my dome. Anyway, somebody might ask, "But Davey, how do you dress up as just a guy? He dressed like people dressed in the era that he was well know in. He didn't dress in a costume." Yeah, maybe he didn't. But Johnny Depp did when he did Fear and Loathing.
He's d*mn near as distinctive as Mr. Clean. Hawai'ian-esque shirt, aviators, and a hat like that. I've seen hats like that at Target recently, fyi. I'd never encouraging smoking, but as far as the costume goes, it couldn't hurt. If you do it right, people will know exactly what you're going for.
And those are just a few of many suggestions! I know a lot of people here are depressed because of their situation. I've read that many avoid social situations because of their hairloss. I'm hoping you can overcome that, if that's you. Halloween is about fun. No one is gonna care that you're bald if you're sporting it well enough. And if you're not, if you're just too dreadful looking to pull off bald in any context, well, don't worry still. If you're at the right party, everyone will be too drunk to notice anyway.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN, BaldTruthTalk!
(Before we start, I'm not talking to all you whinny bastards that have a little receded temple. Pretty much any costume works for you. Actually, here's some news for you: most people can't even tell you're balding. Delete your account here and get therapy, ya jerk.)
For everyone else, fun awaits, but here's the dilemma: you're bald. You're not going to be a fit for many things you might want to go as. Short of wigs and full masks, you're fairly limited. I'm personally not that into wigs, or finding a wig, and I've just decided that I'm not wearing a full mask around the parties I'm going to. How are girls gonna tell how terribly kissable I am that way? Unacceptable. The only recourse: bald characters.
Mr. Clean
Always the easy way out for the bald guy. Shave your head clean (you should be doing this anyway), get a white shirt, and BAM, you're pretty much it. Honestly, the ear ring is just bonus points. If you don't feel like it, don't get one. If you're reppin' Mr. Clean hard enough, people will question whether he actually has one or not. But really, if you want to do things right, get the ear ring. Fake ear rings for amateurs, real ones for people who actually give a sh*t about holidays.
Captain Picard
This one is a little harder. You're gonna have to find a burgandy shirt and sew some black shoulders on it. Then make some emblem out of tape or something. Honestly, I'm not entirely familiar with the costume, because I'm not a f*cking nerd. Picard is a cool characters though. And more importantly, a bald one.
Aang
Now, I know I just said that I wasn't a f*cking nerd, but Avatar: The Last Airbender was a d*mn fine show. You're gonna need a red jacket that you don't mind cutting up, an orange pair of pants, and an orange shirt. Then, you'll wrap a red belt around yourself and carry a stick. Oh, yeah, besides the whole painting a blue arrow on your head. Acrylic paint. Seriously, don't act like I've never painted my head before. I know what I'm talking about. It works fine.
Hunter S. Thompson
I don't know if you know this, but Hunter S. Thompson was a baldy. This costume is a little bit for people who are uncomfortable flaunting their bald heads, as Thompson wore a lot of hats. I realize that among the bald community, I'm a little more comfortable than average sporting my dome. Anyway, somebody might ask, "But Davey, how do you dress up as just a guy? He dressed like people dressed in the era that he was well know in. He didn't dress in a costume." Yeah, maybe he didn't. But Johnny Depp did when he did Fear and Loathing.
He's d*mn near as distinctive as Mr. Clean. Hawai'ian-esque shirt, aviators, and a hat like that. I've seen hats like that at Target recently, fyi. I'd never encouraging smoking, but as far as the costume goes, it couldn't hurt. If you do it right, people will know exactly what you're going for.
And those are just a few of many suggestions! I know a lot of people here are depressed because of their situation. I've read that many avoid social situations because of their hairloss. I'm hoping you can overcome that, if that's you. Halloween is about fun. No one is gonna care that you're bald if you're sporting it well enough. And if you're not, if you're just too dreadful looking to pull off bald in any context, well, don't worry still. If you're at the right party, everyone will be too drunk to notice anyway.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN, BaldTruthTalk!
Comment