View Full Version : My Introduction & Internal Battle

07-20-2010, 07:30 PM
-Into the Sun. We May Return As Nothing-

"Why, after all the incredible obstacles Ive conquered in my lifetime, does hair loss affect me so deeply? I often times feel more embarrassed about my temperament towards this condition, rather than the visual flaw."

The plight of hairloss struck me abruptly at the tender age of 19 years old (around 2001). I was doing a charcoal self portrait from a photo when I first, begrudgingly came to the realization. It was incredibly difficult to cope with, afterall, I was that hip, young, attractive and vibrant fine art major, that should have nothing else on my mind besides my education and chasing skirt.

I immediatley hit the internet equipped with an obsessed and frantic candor, educating myself on any breakthroughs or treatments that were available at the time. The main site and my object of solace was The Bald Truth in 2001. Sadly, the wind was taken out of my sails, although I was leaps & bounds better off than previous generations, an oral medication and a greasy topical fluid were the only first lines of defense. I spitefully cycled a thought through my conscience, "were practically growing f***ing organs in petri dishes and not one soul in the medical community can solve hairloss"? I was filled with a concoction of emotions and I was intermittently in denial. Afterall, the odds in my mind, were in my favor. My father (65) has a full, dego-licious head of hair. My grandfather (88) has a silver head of hair, all brothers and cousins (12) all have full heads of hair. There was only one trace of MPB in the entire family....my uncle...in my mind, the odds must have been astronomical, and the wheel of fortune of fetal gene placement came up "BANKRUPT" and willfully robbed me of a youthful trait.

10 years later, here I am, tuned back into these forums again with an array of emotions and a disdain for topical treatments, shed paranoia forum entries and long winded regimines. Its so very tiresome, like a bag of bricks you cant set down. I just met the utter, complete woman of my life. Shes a young doctor in a residency, sweet, sexy, intelligent, adventourous and sassy to say the very least. It downright scares me of losing her affection. Not so much or entirely because of my hairloss, but the mood I often find myself wallowing in over my ailment. I'm refraining from losing my confidence and swagger or making it apparent for that matter. I hide this weakness from her... because I'm her rock, I'm her support structure, I'm her Andy Duphrane that crawled through a sewer pipe to freedom, and that primarily attracts her to me. Sometimes I stop and pause, I think about all the vast, dark and substantial challenges Ive overcome in my lifetime...why is hairloss so damn difficult for me? I think to myself, "Jesus...just get over it, move on, enough already, its just hair" and then I'm fine, satiated for only a short while, like I'm dropping a few sandbags only to delay the inevitable flood water. Frankly, its a viscious cycle of highs and lows, peaks and valleys and I could find complete contentment in life, if it could just simply stop. I hate the fact of moving to an exciting city, starting my life with a woman I'm head-over-heels for and sadly have my hairloss weigh on me the majority of the day. I hide my treatments, my medications, keeping overhead lighting off to conceal the true nature of things. It wasn't and shouldn't be like this.

I just need direction...an angle on this, I need to be constructive, seek advice and overall, be objective about my hair loss and keep emotion of any nature at bay. Often cliche' and shortsighted, but essentially it IS only hair and it is NOT the end-all in life. It affects people differently and it is firmly grounded in my perception. I firmly feel that if this happened to me later in life, that it wouldn't have impacted me as much. Trying to cope with thinning hair at 19 years old can be a roller coaster of emotion.

One day I will pour myself a hefty glass of scotch, take a deep breath and choose my path. In my mind It's going to come down to two things, scorning a future NW5 with a straight razor, or sitting in a surgeons chair as he scores my head up with a marker, then scalpel. I suppose we will see what nature of courage I'll muster.The courage to move on, or the courage to correct.


PS: I have a question that I wish Spencer could answer directly. Unless anyone on here has any pertinent info on the subject. If I was to have a procedure, there are several doctors in the U.S. that I would consider, but there is one that has really stuck out to me. His name is Dr. Keser from Turkey and Ive viewed a substantial amount of his work on youtube, message forums, all over the internet as well as his personal site. Does anyone have any idea of credibility or input of any nature on this particular doctor?




07-27-2010, 12:24 PM
Wow....that was a warm welcome by the community....ha.

07-27-2010, 03:38 PM
Very well written and said man. I also began to lose my hair at 19 and now I'm 20 and it's definitely something I take in day by day and feel differently about it all the time. Honestly, I think if there's no other way of being happy in life than get a hair transplant. But if you can get by without it you'll be way a head of the game when it catches up to all of your friends in the future when they have to go through a mid-life crisis. I had my mid-life crisis when I was still a teenager just like you. Thanks for sharing man.

07-27-2010, 04:31 PM
I've also been wondering about Dr Keser, his youtube video FUE results look so good.

07-27-2010, 05:24 PM
Cstella, welcome. Here is my advice for you. Don't do it. I regret getting a hair transplant. You will too. I am stuck with the need for additional corrective procedures even though I had my procedure by a reputable surgeon.

Hair transplants are something that will make you forever self-conscious about your hair. And future hair loss will make the hair transplant look WORSE as the years go by. I would give anything to have a head that is free of scars. Remember that all transplants, whether strip procedures or FUE, leave scars. I should know. I've got one.

If you don't want to have the classic horseshoe of male pattern baldness, then shave your head. Along those lines, go to the website slybaldguys.com. Read the stories of men like yourself who accepted and embraced their baldness.

I wish someone had given me this advice before I got my hair transplant. I would have run in the other direction.

07-27-2010, 10:36 PM
Fate is such a twisted s o b. I have been reading here for hours, looking at the work, the number of grafts, the amount of time, the expense of the raft of chemicals both ingested and rubbed in.. omg.

I also started losing my hair at 19. By the time I was 22 I was wearing my first hair replacement. I have been trapped by my vanity ever since. For me loosing my hair was like having my nose dry up and fall off - or having my teeth fall out like chicklets. No one, save the tech that took care of my systems has ever seen me without hair - I was wearing the systems long before I ever went bald.

Here I am 30 years later, no one knows, not even my kids. It has come at a crazy price, and I still can't say I would have done it any differently. I have often fantasized about getting the surgery done but now my natural hair has gone so thin I know that option is closed.

I have often wondered how different my life would have been if I had just "Dealt" - let the hair hit the ground and gone with it. My head is now marked as a result of the years with the systems - I am not sure I could even just shave my head.

So be carefull.. think this through. The decisions you make could alter your life forever.

07-28-2010, 10:34 AM
Lostboy, I bet your skin will mostly heal once you stop using the hair systems. You should give that a try and free yourself from the prison of wearing a hair piece. Try it for a full month with absolutely no hair piece. Let your skin heal. Ditch that rug. You can always go back to it after a month if you are not happy. My bet, though, is that you will never go back to it.

07-28-2010, 04:08 PM
I have often thought about it - I would have to go off somewhere for a month just to see what I wound up with.. the problem is that through the years and the different attachment meathods I have had areas of hair litteraly ripped from my scalp and there are patches I am afraid will never grow back. This would leave a rather unsightly stubble pattern I am thinking. I also thought about the head tat thing.

My systems look phenominal, undetectable until that moment of truth when someone runs a roving hand through my hair - then it is anyone's guess as to what if anything they detect. They have come a long way with this stuff but not without ridiculous cost. That said even worse - the at times excruciating itching and sometime infections.. It is at times absolute torture.

Sorry Cstella, didn't mean to hijack your thread here man. My heart goes out to you..

07-29-2010, 04:46 PM
Thanks for the welcoming, as well as your stories. No one has hijacked this thread, I'm interested in hearing all of your stories.

I realize my situation is not as intense as most on here. But its only a matter of time before I am "there". I finally sat down and discussed this with my girlfriend and I must say, it was an incredibly difficult thing for me to do so. As Ive stated before, Ive always been a head strong man and have built and shaped my life around me by sheer will power and determination...It was embarrassing to let something like hair loss bring me down. I'm fairly more embarrassed and ashamed of how it makes me feel and my reaction to it, than how it visually looks....if that makes sense to anyone.

Anyway, like I stated previously....it was hard bringing this up and confronting her, but it was consuming me....still is, to varying degrees. She told me that she loves me, is in love with me, hair or no hair. Hopefully this is enough to put my ailment to rest from here on out. Ive made a pact with myself, every time I feel down about it, I will get in touch with something I love doing, and lose myself in it for awhile. Looks like my art supplies will need restocked.

Master it, or be mastered:

Ive noticed how psychological this ailment can be, and It worries me that instead of shaping it to my perception, it can end up shaping me. It seems that "perception" is everything when it comes to MPB. Its up to you on how you master it.

Artista & Lostboy: Try not to let it hold you back. (as I am trying to take my own advice)

Side Note: Goorin.com has some stylish and tasteful hats...I'm not a huge fan of some of the graphics on some of them, but I can guarantee that you will find one that you'll like.

07-29-2010, 07:32 PM
I think your on the right track, I wish I had pulled my head out of my ass sooner. I did exactly what your afraid of - I let it rule me. Looking back it really started in childhood for me. Kids would see my dad with me at events and just ridicule the daylights out of me over the clear prospect that I would be bald like him. I HATED it. It left a mark on me I can never really adequately explain.

So when my hair started to fall - as I always knew it would, I was utterly obsessed with making sure I covered it up before it happened. Like even though at that time those people were nothing to me - they were ruling my every move. I had 3 sons at that point and the idea they could wind up with the jeering I got made me utterly sick. Kids can be incredibly cruel.

I still see some of those "kids" - they attend the church affiliated with the school I attended.. When my father passed away a few years back many of them attended his funeral, a few of them raved on over my abnormally youthfull appearance (I didn't get totally screwed genetically lol I have hardly a line in my face at 49) it sort of cracked me up because they were straining to look me over, but when I tell you the systems I wear are flawless, trust me you could whip out your reading glasses and never see it.

Still.. it left me feeling like an imposter, so you see even if you win sometimes you really never win. I have been over at the HIS sight looking at the scalp tatts, and I am really thinking it may be the thing that could set me free. You see even notwithstanding the crap I have been through with replacement systems - I HATE the sight of me without them. I think something like that could be my ticket out, as replacement has not yet caught up with what it would take to make me happy.

Did I mention I am a tad riddled with OCD? Ugh.. if it isn't perfect I will obsess until it is - or spin off into oblivion. The idea that I could go through replacement and wind up with a thin layer of fuzz for all eternity would make my head explode. I just know I would drive some poor plastic surgeon to drink. I can see the limits -

But for you Cstela, more than anything man I wish you peace, and the strength in character to grab this by the neck and say "F%&k YOU! My life has no room for ridiculous obsession."

Because in the end no matter how you look at it - that is what it really is.