View Full Version : Really struggling at the moment

Breaking Bald
03-24-2016, 05:43 PM
Iím really struggling at the moment; every time I look in the mirror I barely recognise my face. I started losing my hair at 20, I turn 26 in a few weeks and I look like Iím in my early 30ís!! Iíve also had relentless acne for over a year now and it wonít subside even though Iím on antibiotics. Itís just making me have no confidence in my appearance. I was meant to have a trial shift tomorrow for some part time work in a Cafť but my appearance is making me so self-conscious that I even cancelled it. I donít feel like woman my age will find me attractive anymore. I feel like I canít relate to people my age and that somehow I donít belong there because of how I look, I feel like an outsider. Iíve also lost my identity as a musician big time, I used to love my thick hair, it was something that people knew me for and it was something that I could kind of hide behind.

Before you ask, Iím not on treatment, I wonít take propecia and I still donít regret that decision. This is it for me, Iím too far gone, I canít grow my hair out, I canít style it in anyway, there is no texture or density and my hair looks like **** when grown out. Iím a diffuser and Iím ****ed, not enough donor hair for a transplant, too late for drugs, donít want a hair piece and not sure about SMP. Iím at the point now where I have to shave it and accept it but HOW THE **** DO I DO THAT?? I still want to cling on to anything that frames my face. Iím still hoping some treatment is going to come out soon. Iím so sick of the constant highs and lows of it, sometimes able to accept it, other times hating everything about the way you look. Just the idea of now being constantly bald for the rest of my life ****ing SUCKS! I never would have thought this was going to happen to me.

I was just traveling for four months and I shaved my head towards the end of the trip bald. For a while it felt great, I even pulled a really beautiful girl out there, who was however older, I noticed immediately that it was older chicks who digged it. It was different out there though, no one knew me, it was a hot climate, I was more distracted by my travels etc. Now that Iím back IĎm really struggling again! Iím just finding it really hard to come to terms with. I canít bare it and I feel stuck! I donít really know where Iím going with this post but I just wanted to express some of how Iím feeling right now. Iím just trying to brave up to the fact that I have to shave my head NOW and just move on but itís so difficult and Iím sure many of you put there can relate. I wish I could just magic my hair back, it seems there is no help coming our way.

03-24-2016, 05:59 PM
Looks are important but they aren't everything. Get a hobby man, watch some good shows, enjoy life.

Think of the benefits of being free from your obsession and being at peace with it.

You certainly aren't the only balding man. You chose not to treat it, time to move on.

We all get old and ugly anyway and everything is temporary.

03-24-2016, 06:16 PM
I reckon 'temporary' SMP + FUE. That's my plan B. Not as good as having a bushy head again, but still looks youthful and deliberate, and creates a hairline.

03-29-2016, 05:14 PM
I know how tough it is, I shaved my head for a year before going through with surgery, it's changed my life for the better.

Did you ever consult with a doctor in person? What's your family history for hairloss? I think just having enough hair to frame your face with a buzz cut will change your outlook.

04-09-2016, 02:24 PM
I think many of us go through ups and downs with this. If you read my posts I'm certainly not immune to them.

There's no way I'm going to tell you hairloss is fun, especially when your hair was something you felt you could hide behind.

On the aging thing, though, I want to help you gain a little perspective.

There are rocking 20's and aweful 20's, rocking 30's/aweful 30's, 40's = same, 50's = same. Just because you age doesn't mean everything you enjoy is gone, especially women. As long as you keep yourself in great shape and maintain your confidence, even when you feel like completely crumbling inside, you will do much better than those who give up/look out of shape/have nothing interesting to talk about with women. Losing your hair makes you work harder and, yeah, that's painful, but it keeps you in the game longer. You mention 'older women' find your shaved look more appealing. That's probably true. I mean, after dealing with A-holes who look great but bore them to tears, many are willing to look for what's on the inside. Yeah, it might be harder to get with them than someone who looks 'perfect' by societal standards, but don't let it knock down your confidence or faith that you will meet an awesome person who really likes you for who you are rather than ONLY how you appear.

The fact that you play in a band already gives you a big leg up versus poor fellows chained to a desk. Women like that.

As for the acne, you're doing your best. That's all you can do. I had the same problem and still have flare ups from time to time. The only things that helped were using a very basic soap with no perfumes/dyes/etc. (Dial Basics), basic shampoo and then found moisturizers that worked with my skin.

If it helps:

eye area: aloe vera gel.
face: Hawaiian Tropic Sheer Touch Oil free (SPF 30 or 50)
Body: Vasoline Aloe Vera lotion.

Stress usually induces terrible flare ups, so I try to stay calm. I know, seems hard to do when one feels anxious about everything, but anxiety is the enemy.

04-09-2016, 02:54 PM
That sucks Breaking Bald, I think your loss was at a similar stage to mine when I used to read the forums a few years ago (thinning crown right?). Is your frontal hair thin too now? Have you had it confirmed you don't have enough donor hair left?

04-09-2016, 09:23 PM
no gettn around it that blows and went thru the same crap wen I was 20. by 25 I was a NW4. save ur money and get a HT and start savn as many grafts as u can. get on some meds if u can tolerate them without havn limp dick