View Full Version : Facing family and friends
07-29-2014, 03:40 PM
I was wondering if you guys could share your experiences with going hatless around people you don't see often, and what people's reactions have been.
I recently went to my wife's family reunion. It was basically a 3 day vacation at a lake house in eastern Georgia. All of the people there are her extended family that I only see 2-3 times a year at most. Out of 40-50 people I am literally the only one with hair issues. I have a really big head to make matters worse.
I couldn't bring myself to take off my hat for 3 days. I recently gave myself a buzz cut and am in the process of growing it out again. Even with it grown out, I'm not sure how I'm ever going to find the balls to go boating/ swimming etc. I just don't feel comfortable without a hat on anymore unless every hair is perfect and sprayed in place.
I know I can wear a hat to get through work and everyday life, but eventually I know I will have to reveal my growing forehead for all to see.
I could use some tips on how to break through this anxiety.
07-29-2014, 11:44 PM
From my own personal experience I can tell you that my family members do talk about my hair loss. I know this to be true because a few months back when visiting my grandmother she made a comment to my sister that my hair loss wasn't as bad as she had said it was. I am sure most families talk the same crap about other balding guys. I would just say the best thing you can do is to not hide under a hat at every family outing. I know how hard it can be. Not too long ago I was most comfortable under a hat. I have found though that the more people get used to my lack of hair, the less of an issue it seems to be, and I also feel comfortable not hiding my head. I just think it is easier for people to see me slowly bald, then show up one day as a NW6 and expect people not to look/stare.
07-30-2014, 05:59 AM
I just think it is easier for people to see me slowly bald, then show up one day as a NW6 and expect people not to look/stare.
That is what I am beginning to realize. I thought that buzzing my hair all the way off was going to be a good way to conquer my hairloss, but as the family reunion approached, I got more and more anxious because I knew I would be the center of attention. My psychologist agrees that it should be a slower process. In a few years, once everyone can clearly see that I'm losing the battle, they will hopefully understand if I choose to shave my head.
You are right about how people talk too. I was sitting there with my hat on, and one of my wife's cousins made a comment about someone's high hairline as we were all watching TV. It's hard to muster up confidence when you know that people are going to be nice to your face, and then probably talk about your five-head when you leave the room...sigh
07-30-2014, 12:01 PM
You probably just need to face it head on. People will always gloat if they feel "better" than you in some way. Try not to let it bother you. If you are married and happy, and your wife doesnt care,.. what does it matter?
07-30-2014, 02:15 PM
If you are married and happy, and your wife doesnt care,.. what does it matter?
That is really hard question to answer. At the end of the day, I guess I just feel embarrassed and ashamed about my head. I have a big forehead, and it is getting harder to hide as my hairline goes back. I was teased pretty hard when I was younger, and I believe I have developed a complex or maybe a dysmorphic view of it.
I have tried the buzz cut thing, and I don't think I have the head for it, but I do think that a buzz will be a better option down the road, when I can't conceal my hairline any longer. I am working on my body and other parts of my life I can control, in hopes of eventually having the confidence to not give a f**k.
You are absolutely correct in implying it should not matter as much as I am making it. It's easy to be consumed with self-pity sometimes
07-30-2014, 05:19 PM
Right there with y'all. This is my first post as I've really struggled with hairloss in the past year. Technically I've been losing my hair since I was 18, 6 years ago. Still have full coverage but have started to really thin the past year or so, shortly after I started fin. I've gotten to the point that I wear a hat everywhere other than work or formal settings. I don't have many friends going through the same thing and my dad and grandpa didn't start dealing with hairloss this early. My family's been pretty supportive, but it's recently turned from it's not that bad to losing your hair is no big deal which is frustrating. In my experience and opinion, keeping my hair short looks better, even if it shows the thinning more. I don't get many comments about my hair from anyone, probably being nice, but the way I think I look bothers me more than what my family and friends think or say. Makes me feel like I'm wasting my youth and my money since it doesn't look like rog and fin arent working.
Not sure if any of this helps but for me, I definitely get more frustrated that I feel like I peaked at 18 because that's the last time my hair looked good. I think in general people don't really care that we are losing our hair, but that doesn't make it easier to take the hat off
07-30-2014, 07:16 PM
I don't get many comments about my hair from anyone, probably being nice, but the way I think I look bothers me more than what my family and friends think or say.
I'm with you there. I'm not really worried about being openly ridiculed. I just imagine myself looking like a freak sometimes, and what people must be thinking. I am also really anxious about getting my picture taken. I'm hoping to keep the hair I have for a few more years, but eventually I know there is the possibility of my genetics over-powering the finasteride, as I have been on it for over a decade now.
As a 36 year old, the best advice I can give the younger guys, is to start working on your confidence. I hid under a hat for so long, that I now have severe anxiety about people seeing my head. For me, taking diet and weightlifting seriously is helping. I'm a long way from being fully confident, but I truly feel like getting noticed for my physique will help me look healthier and feel less embarrassed about my head. Again, I have a lot of work to do still, but if I had my twenties to do over I would have gotten in the gym sooner to try and help with my confidence. I have buzzed my hair off a few times, and I look out of proportion with no muscle on my upper body. I'm hoping in a year or two I'll be less afraid of what people think, because I'll be proud of Spartan frame.
07-31-2014, 06:42 PM
From my own personal experience I can tell you that my family members do talk about my hair loss. I know this to be true because a few months back when visiting my grandmother she made a comment to my sister that my hair loss wasn't as bad as she had said it was. .
Sounds like your grandmother commented about it because your sister talked about it with her.
When one first cuts their hair really short , people will talk, because they see a different you than they are use to seeing
Once they get used to seeing you with short hair the talk stops
At least that's what I found . Come to work with really short hair and some people make comments . After a week , no one cares anymore .
08-10-2014, 01:15 PM
Buzz the s*** out of it. There will be an initial reaction, but they'll get over it. FYI I'm 24, fat and still been able to bang chicks!
09-22-2014, 08:15 PM
Try to ignore the comments and they will stop or at least not be brought up as much. 2 friends and my sister noticed about a year ago. They said something 1 time but nothing since. I can only think of 2 friends/family that might want to keep bringing it up:
My oldest cousin. Because it is pretty much universal on that side she has asked on and off for past 10 years how I am able to escape it.
Friend's gf. He wouldn't use anything and went bald. She told me I should get on fin and told me more than once I would eventually be bald if I didn't. But so far nothing to report from ether of them.
09-30-2014, 04:48 PM
One thing for sure, most people don't really think about you for more than a couple of seconds a day or week or ever year !
In the end you will have to just say, **** it ! I am a freak to some people, i can still enjoy life.. really take some extra freedoms if you like, might as well grow a funky beard or get some earrings whatever.. sooner or later you might end up Proud of yourself all around, everyone deals with something, just many people don't let others mess with their emotions as often.