When you get hair, what's next?

[Davey Jones]

I've been reading parts of this forum for a while now. Mostly, it's a pretty good place to find updates on new hair loss related technologies, but often times (especially in those "I can only think about balding" modes) I'd peruse other parts of the site. Usually, I notice a good mix of optimism and pessimism. People excited about the future and people having those inevitable breakdowns. And everything in between. Here lately though, due in large part to an unnamed depressed frog type creature, the board has seemed more negative.

So I propose a little positive thinking. Let's pretend for a second. Let's pretend that Replicel/Aderans/Histogen/etc. works. Like, actually works. Not something where you look under a microscope to determine that follicle density is so-and-so increased in so-and-so percent of patients. Something where you look in the mirror and you're one hair havin' mother f----- again. Clear and simple, hair. What do you do then? What's next?

First, I'd have one last head shave, for old times sake. When I started to shave my head, it really did help me. I was no longer a balding guy; I was bald on purpose. It was a huge relief and part of how I originally got to the "Meh, I guess this isn't the WORST thing that could happen" phase. The process itself, head shaving, has become very relaxing, sort of cathartic. So yeah, I'd break out the ol' razor for one last go. But after that, no looking back.

I think I'd grow out my hair for about a year, or as long as it took to hit every single hair style. Buzz cut first, by default. A few nice, tight military cuts. A standard sort of cut. It may be long out of style by then, but I'd have a Beiber for a while, because why not? Eventually, I'd try out various positionings of ponytails. At this point, I'd probably buy a motorcycle, because it would take one to make a ponytail acceptable.

In the end, when my hair was as long as I cared for, a length past which no reasonable haircut lies, I'd dread it all. Don't get me wrong: I hate dreadlocks. In my whole life, I've seen dradlocks look good on one person, and it was a pretty hot chick. She'd have looked good with a pile of s--- on her head, which is essentually what she had. I don't like dreadlocks, but when I can have any hair, I'm gonna have all hair.

Then I'm gonna buzz it, grow out my hair like I used to have it before all this bs, and try to get the ex-girlfriend I'm still in love with to break up with her boyfriend. Ideally, they will be getting married, and I can ride in on my motorcycle for the most bada-- "I OBJECT" in recorded history. And whether it worked or not, f--- it; I got hair. I'm good.

So yeah, that's what I'd do. What are you gonna do? Remember, no negativity. Let's just pretend for a second that whatever they're working on now works. Now, I can't DO anything if you're negative, but just know that I'll be very disappointed in you...