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  1. #11
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    It's nice that you don't want to upset your son and protect his innocence. However, just like any other problem in life ignoring the problem doesn't help one bit. Especially in this case when the earlier you address the problem the greater the likelihood of a favourable outcome.

    90 percent of all men who take propecia will experience no further hair loss. There will likely be some much better treatments/therapies in the next several years so propecia is not a life long sentance.

    IMO you have two choices:

    Be proactive and upset him a little now and attempt to solve he problem or;

    Put your heads in the sand and have him be VERY upset in a couple years when it's too late or him to have a full head of hair.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Kayman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by muchtooyoung View Post
    I'm the Mother of a 20 year old boy who is going bald!! I noticed it a bit over the summer on the back crown area but didn't say anything. When he was home from college over Thanksgiving though, he said he's noticing thinning at the crown but wasn't hugely concerned as he thinks he'll be 40 before it gets really going. The unbelievable thing is that he's home now for Christmas and I think it's now thinning not just in the back, but now progressing to the middle of his top head - how can this have advanced so in just a month?! I'm just sick over this - he's just too young and he's such a good kid -I don't want to have him suffer with this at this age. I come from a long line of full-haired men but my husband's brother and his son went very bald early, and I have to think that this is where it came from. This is messed-up thinking but I'm almost angry with my husband for passing this on - my other son also has another type of problem that my husband's family has and I at least thought this boy would be safe from the flawed genetics, but very unfortunately not. I haven't said anything to my son as I don't want to worry him and I know it greatly would. I'm thinking I should bring him to a dermatologist for a confirmation and then maybe get him on rogaine. He makes his own decisions but I would say propecia is a last resort. I'm not wealthy but nothing is more important to me than the well-being of my kids, so I'm prepared to pay for a hair transplant down the road if he wants it. I realize this isn't a horrible illness, but the mental effects on such a young person can be just as devastating. Any suggestions or words of wisdom??
    Dont be devastated for him, just be supportive. If he see's its upsetting you it could make him feel bad. It's not flawed genetics, its just genetics and its normal. there is no cure for male pattern baldness, it doesn't exist. You can delay or slow down the loss with the following treatments, minoxidil which you apply topically twice a day, finasteride which you take one tablet a day, and nizoral which is a shampoo that you use about twice a week. These are treatments, not cures, they are more about retaining what you have. The finasteride can have side effects in some guys such as low libido, erectile dysfunction, anxiety, depression, affected memory etc, these affect a small percentage of men but it does happen and there are forums where people still suffer the sides after they cease taking the pill. Your dermatologist or doctor will re affirm what I've just said.
    The hair transplant route is very very pricey road to go down running into tens of thousands of dollars. Its not a case of one transplant and everything is fixed, its a case of multiple surgerys over time because more hair will fall out in the future and more transplanted hair will be needed to take its place, it also leaves scarring in the donor area from where the hair was taken depending on the method used. So if in the future your son decides he wants to buzz his hair off he will have scars to show for the transplants.
    How does your son feel about it? Because it seems a little like you are more upset than he is, is it something that really bothers him? Or is he the kind of guy who's happy enough to buzz his hair short and get on with life?

    I started losing my hair when I was 20. I went through the treatments of minoxidil, propecia, looked into surgery etc but in my experience all it really did was inhibit me from accepting myself for who I was and moving on, for a decade I was just constantly worried about my hair and taking propecia and minoxidil and checking to see how much hair I had lost and checking the meds were still working and it just made me insecure. Instead of "bald" jokes you just get "balding" jokes instead. I dropped the treatments because after a while they lose effectiveness and looking back I wish I had just accepted it from the start like I do now.
    I've said it before, its much less stressful and so much better to be a bald man in control than an insecure man trying to fight against his genetics. In the long run your son will just need to accept it so he will need to cross that bridge sooner or later. There is no reason he cant by happy even with hair loss. A lot of people who cant let it go think its the end of the world and they make themselves miserable as a result when all they need to do is accept who they are and move on.
    Im not saying it wont be tough for him, but what I am saying is, at the end of the day when he accepts who he is, he's going to be just fine. Its better to be the bald guy who's smiling instead of the insecure guy who's looking at his shoes.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kayman View Post
    I've said it before, its much less stressful and so much better to be a bald man in control than an insecure man trying to fight against his genetics...

    Im not saying it wont be tough for him, but what I am saying is, at the end of the day when he accepts who he is, he's going to be just fine. Its better to be the bald guy who's smiling instead of the insecure guy who's looking at his shoes.
    This is the best advice out there.

    I'll just say the following:

    1. When/if you speak to him, please don't act like it's a big deal - certainly don't let him know how devastated you are. Hair loss is only half the problem. The other half, and arguably the much more important half, is how he feels about it. Particularly in the early stages of his hair loss his assumptions about his condition won't be set in the stone and they are open to change, especially since he's still only just out of his teens. As Kayman said it's better to be okay with one's situation, no matter what it is. So help him be okay with it!

    2. If you do speak to him and he wants to do something about it, don't delay. It is absolutely critical to tackle hairloss as soon as possible. Once hair is gone, it's probably gone for good (unless the new generation of treatments work better than they appear to work so far). Get on Rogaine or Propecia, or preferably both.

    3. It sounds like what your son has is a type of balding called 'persistent hairline' where his hairline is staying intact. This could be good news because the hairline is normally the hardest to treat. Propecia and Rogaine both work much better in the crown. If you tackle it early there is a good chance that he could even regrow some or much of the hair he has lost.

    4. You said you never noticed whether a guy was balding before (thank you for this btw - there are a lot of idiots on this forum who like to insist balding is a deal-breaker for every woman). You should take this attitude to your son and generalise it - point out it's not such a big deal and most women won't worry/care. Obviously some do, many clearly don't (my own girlfriend among them) and this will help him avoid some of the worst mental anguish associated with balding - that it somehow means a guy will never get a girlfriend ever again.

    My own mother fussed about my hairloss so badly when I didn't even care in the slightest, when I was about 22 and she first noticed my hair receding. Now I'm 31 and quite bald and, worse, I care about it, in part because my own mother acted like it was a big deal when I didn't think it was. She bought me Rogaine without my even asking for it and then kept asking me if I was using it.

    Now that I'm almost bald my mother has changed her tune and tells me she never cared about my father's baldness and that other women won't either. Thanks Mum, but it's too late now! The damage was done in my early 20s, and now I am very self-conscious about it.

    Thankfully my girlfriend doesn't seem to be, and I am so grateful I have her - but please don't make the same mistake my mother did!

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by win200 View Post
    Well, it's her son, not a potential romantic interest. Mothers scrutinize their sons differently; they notice things others don't. I still think most guys with hair loss vastly overestimate the degree to which most (not all, but MOST) women care about or even notice hair loss. I mentioned my brother's hair loss to my ex-wife the other day, who sees him reasonably frequently, and she had no idea what I was talking about--she literally hadn't notice. And he's a NW3 *at best.*
    No it just shows how women really feel about hairloss. They hate it.

  5. #15
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    In my opinion your attention to this and bringing it up to him will make him feel self conscious and more than likely uncomfortable. If you have noticed it it is a good chance that he has as well if he has been looking into a mirror lately. My best advice would be to be as supportive as possible and to be tactful.

    Also it is a scientific fact that both sexes pass and indirectly activate and trigger the baldness gene not just one. Though in his paternal line baldness runs through that line as a male with XY chromosone.. your matrilineal genes are in him as well and it is the pairing of both the dominant bald gene and recessive traits and yours perhaps being the trigger pull that have potentially activated the baldness. It is a 50/50 shot a genetic lottery..two boys can be born from the same family and one can have a full head of hair and the other brother conceviably go bald before 30 years old it is just random like that. However now is not the time to blame your husband, yourself or anyone else for that matter.. it is time to be there for your son and to seek answers for him should he ask them of you.. and constructive ones that are well resrched at that.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Artista's Avatar
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    You can 'let it all out here' but you must also be accepting of honest rebuttal as well.
    " I'm almost angry with my husband for passing this on"
    ".. my husband's flawed genes.."

    Hair loss skips generations on BOTH SIDES. You cannot absolutely connect or BLAME THIS solely to your husband and his genes. That is unfair and almost sounding disrespectful.
    That hair loss to your son may have also been brought on by your side of the family too.
    That should not be the focus anyway.. Your son's hair loss is why your here and you are at the right forum to ,not only get great advice for him, but also to dispel misconceptions about hair loss.

  7. #17
    Senior Member didi's Avatar
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    very interesting thread

    amazes me how women dont care if their bf/husband is bald but get so devastated if their son goes bald...i mean logic would tell you if you marry someone who is bald chances are that your son will be bald too...

    is it just that females mind cant join the dots? if im to mary women who has serious mental illness i would anticipate my offsprings would have big chance to have the same illness, you kinda accept the risk n when it happens you are already prepared??anyone agrees with this

  8. #18
    Senior Member Exodus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisM View Post
    In my opinion your attention to this and bringing it up to him will make him feel self conscious and more than likely uncomfortable. If you have noticed it it is a good chance that he has as well if he has been looking into a mirror lately. My best advice would be to be as supportive as possible and to be tactful.

    Also it is a scientific fact that both sexes pass and indirectly activate and trigger the baldness gene not just one. Though in his paternal line baldness runs through that line as a male with XY chromosone.. your matrilineal genes are in him as well and it is the pairing of both the dominant bald gene and recessive traits and yours perhaps being the trigger pull that have potentially activated the baldness. It is a 50/50 shot a genetic lottery..two boys can be born from the same family and one can have a full head of hair and the other brother conceviably go bald before 30 years old it is just random like that. However now is not the time to blame your husband, yourself or anyone else for that matter.. it is time to be there for your son and to seek answers for him should he ask them of you.. and constructive ones that are well resrched at that.

    Im the youngest of three brothers. Number 1 has perfect hair, mature hairline. Number 2 mass recession and thinning. Me, I've maintained my hairline somewhat, but diffuse all over the crown/top/vertex of my head. Baldness most likely comes from my Mothers side as my grandad and uncle are bald, yet on my dads they're full of thick luscious black velvety hair.

    Various approaches really for your son, but it could be super awkward raising it with him...

  9. #19
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    Flawed genetics? Perhaps you should start a revolutionary eugenics or genocide group that could wipe the bald fascists off the face of the earth for good.

  10. #20
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    just waiting for Highlander to reply

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